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MADDAD
Husband & Father of 4, Grandpa of 1
Articles Posted: 132; Links Seeded: 4352
Member Since: 11/2008Last Seen: 11/06/2009
Member Since: 11/2008Last Seen: 11/06/2009
13 Comments
PrintA couple laughs for parents & others suffering with offspring!
News Type: Other — Sat Jul 18, 2009 10:51 AM EDT
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I am not the author....but I did get a good laugh with a complete understanding....hope you enjoy!
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students....here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was ' DON'T !'
'Don't what? ' Adam replied.
'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' God said..
'Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '
'No Way ! ' 'Yes way ! '
'Do NOT eat the fruit ! ' said God.
'Why ? '
'Because I am your Father and I said so ! ' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked ! 'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? ' God asked.
'Uh huh,' Adam replied. 'Then why did you? ' said the Father.
'I don't know,' said Eve.. 'She started it! ' Adam said. 'Did not ! ' 'Did too ! ' 'DID NOT ! '
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids They will choose your nursing home one day
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!
12 Votes- Enjoy this article? Help vote it up the 'Vine.
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9.1
4.9
{"commentId":8279261,"authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
kids! gotta love um....
{"commentId":8279261,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
- 4 votes
#1 - Sat Jul 18, 2009 10:53 AM EDT{"commentId":8280114,"authorDomain":"RuthyJObservations"}
Maddad - These are so spot on! My Mother used to say to us kids, "Whatever you do to me, your kids will do double to you!" I cooled it after that! hehheh
{"commentId":8280114,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"RuthyJObservations"}
- 3 votes
{"commentId":8280273,"authorDomain":"JustDucki"}
I keep searching for a band of gypsies that I might be able to pay to take my children...
No luck as of yet. No one seems to want a 20 yr old, 19 yr old, a 16 yr old and 13 yr old AND a 12 year old. The last two are girls...I no longer live in a house, it seems that I live in a constant Theatre of Drama, stomping, door slamming...
*sigh* 6 more years, only 6 more looooooooong years...
{"commentId":8280273,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"JustDucki"}
- 6 votes
#2 - Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:33 PM EDT{"commentId":8280550,"authorDomain":"lkessler41"}
Gee, Steph, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're somehow tired of your children?
C'mon. Just wait for the grandchildren. Didn't you see it up there? They're God's gift for not killing your own kids.
Plus, soon, they'll have kids of your own and they'll say to you--as I did my mother: I hope I wasn't quite an awful child.
PS. My mom assures me I was the least awful of all of us. *lol*
{"commentId":8280550,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"lkessler41"}
- 3 votes
{"commentId":8289125,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Hang in there, girlfriend. As least you had a batch, so you'll always have someone around to put up with you when you're gray and a curmudgeon. I think that was good planning!
XO,
VDub
{"commentId":8289125,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
- 3 votes
{"commentId":8290646,"authorDomain":"JustDucki"}
Hi Lk, Hiya VW ~
I do loves the kids. Really. I'd die trying to protect them. Just maybe notsomuch right now because it's summer and they're booooooooored - there's nothing to do. My favorite line of all -
Me: Guys, if you're bored, go out and jump in the pool, go swim.
Kids: (in that annoying, whiny tone of voice) But it's TOO HOT to swim.
WTF?! How is that possible?!!
A batch?! No, I only had two - then silly me went and married a man with 3 more of the critters. But they are ALL at the age where the aliens have taken possession of their brains and and and...
only 6 more years...*sigh*
;-}
PS. My mom assures me I was the least awful of all of us. *lol*
And my mom said I was a thousand times more trouble and harder to raise than a whole pack of boys. It took me twenty damn years to figure out what she meant all the times she yelled at me "Someday you're going to pay for your raising!" LOL
{"commentId":8290646,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"JustDucki"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":8280475,"authorDomain":"Husker88Fan"}
This was great and I found it at the most opportune time .. I needed the chuckle this morning! Gotta clip it to my page so my friends can read it too. I especially like #6. "We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting". LOL
Have a super weekend!
{"commentId":8280475,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"Husker88Fan"}
- 2 votes
#3 - Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:52 PM EDT{"commentId":8285210,"authorDomain":"cwasylk-1"}
Mark that is a very good story - glad you posted it. Also liked the "Things to think about" part because it is soo true.
{"commentId":8285210,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"cwasylk-1"}
- 4 votes
#4 - Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:16 PM EDT{"commentId":8288896,"authorDomain":"annie545"}
Ha! Ha! Ha!, I needed this to remind me that I did good and didn't kill my loving 8 year old grandson the other day. I was home alone watching tv when sweet Billy walks in, picks up the remote and changed the channel. I demanded the channel be changed back when he started to walk away with the controller. I got up out of my well earned easy chair and swatted him on the arm, not hard. He turned shocked that I had laid anything but a loving hand on him. I asked him by what right he had to come into my house and change the channel. Tears welled in his eyes and he said, "It's my house too". My heart sank and I was so tempted to tell him No, you live next door, but I took a breath, looked him in the eye and in a strong voice said "I am the boss and don't forget it". Of course it is not Billy fault for being desrespectful, it must be the kids he has been playing with, RIGHT. Billy is a real good kid and very self assured and I love him with all my heart, but somedays I may feel more incline to love my tv and rocker at my age and I didn't want to watch Sponge Bob.
{"commentId":8288896,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"annie545"}
- 4 votes
#5 - Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:54 AM EDT{"commentId":8289828,"authorDomain":"cwasylk-1"}
Annie - don't feel bad about taking control - kids now days need to know who is in charge. Plus Billy did learn that at your house anyway you are in charge. Good job!!
{"commentId":8289828,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"cwasylk-1"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":8294810,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
A little Sponge Bob goes a looooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg way!
{"commentId":8294810,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":8294371,"authorDomain":"cmfejzullah"}
Thanks loved the article made me laugh! I have never looked at the story of Adam and Eve in that light that was great. Kids are so very trying at times I have an 18 year old on her way out and off to college this year it's the age they look at you give the eye roll and the you don't know what you're talking about look(which I keep reminding myself and others that we have all been there remember). I have gotten grey hairs since her graduation, that's no kidding I really have! Sigh....I know she will do just fine it's all the agrevation between the then and now that's killing me.
{"commentId":8294371,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"cmfejzullah"}
- 1 vote
#6 - Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:16 PM EDT{"commentId":8296975,"authorDomain":"karrygarza"}
HAHA, I love the first part. I have heard the middle part and I love the one about the asprin.
{"commentId":8296975,"threadId":"629555","contentId":"3036921","authorDomain":"karrygarza"}
- 2 votes
#7 - Sun Jul 19, 2009 9:15 PM EDT{"canLink":false,"threadId":"629555","isPrivate":false}
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