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MADDAD

Husband & Father of 4, Grandpa of 1
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Member Since: 11/2008Last Seen: 12/04/2009

"Actual" Classified Ads...Funny!

News Type: Other — Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:20 PM EDT

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These classifieds "actually" ran in a newspaper - a smile for your day...

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also, 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one?:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything

  • 40 Votes
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5.8
{"commentId":8437081,"authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
maddad

hope you enjoy!

{"commentId":8437081,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
  • 9 votes
Reply#1 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:21 PM EDT
{"commentId":8478371,"authorDomain":"Indepvoter"}
Indepvoter

These were great, thank you for the chuckle..

{"commentId":8478371,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"Indepvoter"}
  • 4 votes
#1.1 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:43 AM EDT
{"commentId":8478691,"authorDomain":"dustyd64"}
Dustin-265090

Awesome!

{"commentId":8478691,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"dustyd64"}
  • 4 votes
#1.2 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 1:20 AM EDT
{"commentId":8489846,"authorDomain":"ruthlessmoose"}
ruthlessmoose

SO dang funny... maddad you come through yet again.

{"commentId":8489846,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"ruthlessmoose"}
  • 3 votes
#1.3 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 3:01 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":8437847,"authorDomain":"StephanieRN"}
Stephanie, RN

The last 2 were my favorite :)

{"commentId":8437847,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"StephanieRN"}
  • 8 votes
Reply#2 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 2:12 PM EDT
{"commentId":8453581,"authorDomain":"Karri-M"}
Karri-M

The last two were:

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything

I'd ask if the last two were by you and your husband, but I know they were not (and if I did, I hope you'd know it was a joke). I know your wedding was not a mistake and I have a feeling you encourage your family to look things up (great way to learn.)

Still, maybe the two were related?

{"commentId":8453581,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"Karri-M"}
  • 3 votes
#2.1 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:30 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":8438401,"authorDomain":"tishamauro"}
not over it

I can't think of anything clever to say, too hung over.

They were funny. Thanks for the laugh!

{"commentId":8438401,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"tishamauro"}
  • 7 votes
Reply#3 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 2:50 PM EDT
{"commentId":8438919,"authorDomain":"beaumrtn"}
beaumrtn-619640

Loved em thanks, lol

{"commentId":8438919,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"beaumrtn"}
  • 6 votes
Reply#4 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 3:27 PM EDT
{"commentId":8439120,"authorDomain":"JanayB"}
JanayB

This was great! lol

{"commentId":8439120,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"JanayB"}
  • 6 votes
Reply#5 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 3:43 PM EDT
{"commentId":8439229,"authorDomain":"augurwell"}
Augur Well

roflamo! the last one! definitely the last one!*grin*!

{"commentId":8439229,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"augurwell"}
  • 8 votes
Reply#6 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 3:52 PM EDT
{"commentId":8440575,"authorDomain":"cwasylk-1"}
Soovivers
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

...my favorite of them.

{"commentId":8440575,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"cwasylk-1"}
  • 6 votes
Reply#7 - Sat Jul 25, 2009 5:31 PM EDT
{"commentId":8445996,"authorDomain":"darkdingo"}
Uncle Nick
FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

ROFLMFHAO! Love that one!

{"commentId":8445996,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"darkdingo"}
  • 6 votes
Reply#8 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:22 AM EDT
{"commentId":8459882,"authorDomain":"unbekannt1137"}
unbekannt1137
ROFLMFHAO

This is a new one to me. Might the f and h stand for fat and hairy? Not to offend. Those were just my first thoughts in that context.

{"commentId":8459882,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"unbekannt1137"}
  • 3 votes
#8.1 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 3:10 AM EDT
{"commentId":8460207,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

Rolling On Floor Laughing My Friggin A$$ Off

{"commentId":8460207,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 2 votes
#8.2 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 4:36 AM EDT
{"commentId":8460268,"authorDomain":"unbekannt1137"}
unbekannt1137

Whoops. I feel like an insulting jerk now. But thanks for the clarification. *Hangs head in shame and (finally) goes to bed*

{"commentId":8460268,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"unbekannt1137"}
  • 2 votes
#8.3 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 5:02 AM EDT
{"commentId":8460289,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

No worries! You get smarter on Newsvine!

Besides - I missed the H. So I don't know either!!!

{"commentId":8460289,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 2 votes
#8.4 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 5:13 AM EDT
{"commentId":8472721,"authorDomain":"darkdingo"}
Uncle Nick
Might the f and h stand for fat and hairy?

Don't feel bad... you were absolutely correct!

{"commentId":8472721,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"darkdingo"}
  • 3 votes
#8.5 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 6:23 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":8446534,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

For sale: A cow by an old lady with gold knobs on her horns.

:)

Fun stuff - thanks!

VDub

{"commentId":8446534,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 3 votes
Reply#9 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 4:54 AM EDT
{"commentId":8448538,"authorDomain":"susibv"}
GoldenGateMami_Susi

Thanks for the Sunday a.m. giggle on this stormy, stormy day.

{"commentId":8448538,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"susibv"}
  • 4 votes
Reply#10 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:58 AM EDT
{"commentId":8452072,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

Please send storm south. Thank you! SoCal Droughters.

:)

VW

{"commentId":8452072,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 2 votes
#10.1 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 3:32 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":8452123,"authorDomain":"spookybf"}
Spooky Boyfriend

One time I married Mrs. Right...

I didn't realize her last name was "All the Time"...

{"commentId":8452123,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"spookybf"}
  • 7 votes
Reply#11 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 3:36 PM EDT
{"commentId":8452154,"authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
maddad

LOL

{"commentId":8452154,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
  • 5 votes
#11.1 - Sun Jul 26, 2009 3:39 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":8461254,"authorDomain":"farmer"}
oldfogey

WANTED: Good set of encyclopedias. They must do windows.

{"commentId":8461254,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"farmer"}
  • 5 votes
Reply#12 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 8:38 AM EDT
{"commentId":8464771,"authorDomain":"KimmieLynn"}
Kimberly-430040

Roflmao.....thanks for the laugh these are great !

I can especially relate to the Wedding dress classified !

{"commentId":8464771,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"KimmieLynn"}
  • 6 votes
Reply#13 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:25 PM EDT
{"commentId":8465451,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

I saw this hand-written sign amidst some furniture at a garage sale:

"For Sale. Antique Dining Set. Like New!"

I don't know why, I've always thought that was a riot.

VW

{"commentId":8465451,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 4 votes
Reply#14 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:59 PM EDT
{"commentId":8469535,"authorDomain":"kperodin"}
Karl_

I like funny adds.

{"commentId":8469535,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"kperodin"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#15 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 3:54 PM EDT
{"commentId":8475888,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

Those are great! Thank you!!!

VDub

{"commentId":8475888,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 2 votes
#15.1 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:39 PM EDT
{"commentId":8476098,"authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
maddad

funny...lol

{"commentId":8476098,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"maddad0467"}
  • 3 votes
#15.2 - Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:53 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":8477989,"authorDomain":"mooncrow"}
MoonCrow

So funny. I think I only saw one ad in real life that was really funny. It was in a Culpeper Virginia newspaper, and was advertising a new Chinese restaurant. The restaurant was called "Hungs" and their by-line read, "Our Grand Chef is Hung." I thought I'd wet my pants laughing when I read it. Thanks for the grins and giggles.

{"commentId":8477989,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"mooncrow"}
  • 4 votes
Reply#16 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:05 AM EDT
{"commentId":8478757,"authorDomain":"darkdingo"}
Uncle Nick

LOL, I guess he really was a Grand Chef then, LOL! or is that a Grande Chef???

{"commentId":8478757,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"darkdingo"}
  • 5 votes
#16.1 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 1:28 AM EDT
{"commentId":8486115,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

And talk about his basting. He was a master.

{"commentId":8486115,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 5 votes
#16.2 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:30 PM EDT
{"commentId":8489978,"authorDomain":"spookybf"}
Spooky Boyfriend

...oh VDub, big freakin' deal...

I've been a master baster since adolescence...

( Thanks for the soft ball...)

{"commentId":8489978,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"spookybf"}
  • 3 votes
#16.3 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 3:07 PM EDT
{"commentId":8493115,"authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
Victoriawood

You caught it! Was wondering who would score on that one ...

:)

VW

{"commentId":8493115,"threadId":"634898","contentId":"3067833","authorDomain":"victoriarwood"}
  • 3 votes
#16.4 - Tue Jul 28, 2009 5:26 PM EDT
Reply
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