Tough love 'is good for children'

Very good point Debi...who gets to decide what "tough love"...or character are...I think most people would really get the gist of what this means...Having two grown children and two grandchildren I believe it really has to do with not only tough love...but what that means to the nature of the child you are talking about...what worked for one of my children...did nothing to the other one in the sense of "punishment"....and also one of them was unconcerned about the consequences more often than the other...and this had less to do with their rearing...it is personality....and also..just from my point of view it helps for the parents to be consistent..and follow through...setting out the guidelines ahead of time...but even then I have noticed...with some personalities ...they have to learn things the hard way..

I think what they mean by "tough love" is by allowing the pre-schooler to earn their toys or treats, as well as not giving into their demands or when they are crying/throwing a tantrum.

for example, if you want to give your child a cookie, have them clean up their toys first, or spell a word. this encourages positive reinforcement, and gives the child a strong sense of accomplishment after they complete a simply task.

jaker023--

At least you got it.

Debbie, I understand your statement that you would like to see the full study before agreeing or disagreeing, but this was just a news article. The author was relying on a generic understanding of "tough love" which has enough ambiguity to allow for the largest reader appreciation. I'm sure the study is more detailed.

I look at spankings differently than most of the people I've run into. I don't see them as a punishment but rather a way to get the child's attention. Here's what I mean: When you catch a kid doing something really bad like talking back or such a quick swat will get their attention and then you can give them their punishment.

I try not to punish my kids, but I am forced to on occasion and LOVE IT! Don't get me wrong, I'd rather not have to, but when they mess up, best believe I come out swinging like Mike Tyson. I try to overreact as much as possible, that way they are scared @!$%#less about doing it again =)

ROFLMBO!!! I can almost picture that and the looks on the kids faces.

I'm with ya on not wanting to, I hate having to do it but it goes with the job so I do the best I can to make a very lasting impression.

I'm obviously having tracker problems or something, I haven't been getting some of my replies. Sorry for the delay frosty.

I'm lucky to have such happy, healthy kids. The only reason they get in trouble is because they are spoiled and think they deserve everything. My daughter knows the perfect times to pitch a fit, usually around a bunch of good looking women. I'll say, "You want a spanking?", and she'll start sucking that bottom lip immediately and make me look bad.

ROFL!! Yep she knows how to play ya alright. Mine like to try things like that but it usually comes back to get them in the end.

No prob, my tracker's been sort of wonky as well. I just do the best I can with what they give us.

she knows how to play ya alright

She's too much like her mother (which is a lot like the dark lord, Lucifer). I'm hoping to make her a daddy's girl by the age of 5

sneaking off with her for ice cream is a sure fired way to do it :) I have 3 girls and did it with the first 2 already...just waiting for the 3rd to get a little older

sneaking off with her for ice cream

You sure nailed her, she loves ice cream. I have to keep her a steady supply of that, and bubblegum. That's how I get her to do what I want her to do, it's her one true weakness.

And I'll be sending you a friend request, hope it is well received

got it and accepted, warmly received. I think bubblegum is the weakness of all kids..LOL

I think bubblegum is the weakness of all kids

My daughter, could probably chew up the newsvine monster =)

maybe we can get her hired on and she can go hunting ;)

Sounds like money in the bank

sadly it seems a lot of people don't realize the difference. There are places where raising your voice to a child is now being considered abuse.

frostyone--

It is as if you want to ask, what is the point of even having kids since obviously it would appears the parents are not even allowed to raise their own kids.

kshark, exactly! it's getting plain nuts out there. Really being a parent isn't all that hard but I guess we as a society are bound and determined to make it as hard as possible.

frosty,

Really being a parent isn't all that hard...

Its nice that you can say that. Really, I'm happy for you if that's the case. But my gosh, there is nothing in my life that is more challenging.

frostyone--

LOL Parents should demand more money from the Government for having the kids they are raising, though the parents are providing the housing and food. So hey the Government needs to provide more money as they are THEIR kids after all, it seems.

screamingeagle, when I first started it was the hardest job I could imagine. I was hitting all the seminars and doing everything the "experts" suggested. It wasn't until after the 2nd kid that I figured out I was making it way to hard and raised my radar level a little bit. Now that being said, I have no idea what your own situation might be like so I wouldn't even think of giving advice to ya on it. Hopefully the challenges will smooth out for ya and not being overwhelming.

Kshark, LOL...I wonder.....maybe that would work.

Didn't say, frosty, that it was overwhelming; just challenging. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I don't bang my head against the wall every night as I cry myself to sleep, agonizing over all the ways my kids are making my life a long, drawn out living hell. ;^)

No, I mean that with my kids there is the constant effort to practice patience, the constant division of attention required by having 4 little ones, and the awareness that the way in which I love, nurture and discipline my children will affect them and everyone they know for the rest of their lives. So, in short, there is nothing in my life for which I am more responsible than my children, ergo the challenge.

Ahh...I've done the head banging thing a time or two. Oh so you have 4 as well? I can sympathise with ya on that one.

See I was misunderstanding your use of the word challenge but now I understand better. I can tell ya that I learned to not pray for patience or strength because instead of just granting it He put things in my life (kids) that would make me learn both patience and strength. My goal is to have my kids become respectful, productive, happy adults.

That's the best we can hope for isn't it? Well, I certainly hope yours turn out to give you tears of joy when they grow up better people than you even hoped for. ;^)

Right back to ya screamingeagle, ;)

makes life worth livin don't it?