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Institutional Abuse of Women & Children: The "Independent-Fundamental" Baptist Church

Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:38 AM EDT
religion, america, school, christian, church, rape, abuse, investigation, male, private, assault, independent, experience, sexual, spiritual, pastor, maddad, physical, molestation, emotional, sex-abuse, baptist, thousands, summer-camp, across, beatings, fundamental, humiliation, dominance, 20-20, disipline, deacon, predestination, ifb, chuck-phelps, loomis-park-baptist-church
By maddad
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I recently watched a 20/20 report on abuses in the IFB church.

A Religious Sub-Culture Of Horrific Sexual & Physical Abuse...Right Here In The USA!
For years I just chalked up the abuse I witnessed and suffered at the IFB Church I attended in Jackson, Mich. as just part of the road I was walking in life. It had to be an isolated situation.....WRONG!

My mother was raised the same and attended Bob Jones University. She died a 3 time divorced drunk with no one. To get us out of the house she made us go to church with our grandparents...and so the indoctrination began.

As children we were taught:

1. All other churches and denominations are wrong, we were the only ones that were right, set aside and chosen. Lesson actualy learned: isolation, closed mindedness and how to be judgemental

2. Men are at the head of the church and the home. Women and children (in that order) fall under the male. Lessons learned: as a child, i am without a voice or opinion, silence is safe. as a male, learned to view women & children as subservient.

3. Scripture is literal, men using women, beating spouses and children, public humiliation & confession and spiritual perfection is attainable and expected. Lessons learned: guilt, fear, hopelessness, pain & confusion

4. (my favorite) Predestination: A term I became familiar with when the youth pastor told me I was no longer welcome at the private school run by the church, and he would rather I did not attend youth group anymore...reason, the pastor's kid and I got caught smoking behind the gym. He told me, it wasn't really my fault, I was a puppet of satan because it was obvious I was not predestined to be a christian...god had not chosen me...and with my evil influence gone, the pastors kid could get on with his christian life..(p.s. he brought the cigarette!) Lesson learned: hopeless, doomed to hell, born bad, depression & self hate

At around age 9, we all went to summer camp. On several occasions on that trip the camp counselor, and a deacon in our church back home, molested me. It seemed to be normal behavior to him, his demeanor was as if he was putting up a tent.

When I got home I told my grandfather, who was the head deacon at the time....he said "good christians do not talk like that, "don't let me hear anymore about it."

The over-all result of my birth into this extremist christian sect is that I am a militant agnostic, with no faith in authority or simplistic religious explanations for unexplainable reality.

This is of course the abridged version. The experience of being chewed up and spit out by these people has left me suspicious of all "religious" organizations and leaders, although I know that it is nuts to think all of them are dirt bags, I have never seen much reason to darken the doorway of another "House of Prayer".

I hope all those affected by these extremists and criminals will find peace and recovery.

© Mark H. (Maddad) Newsvine, 2011

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  • Groups: Bully No More!, Child Abuse & Abductions, Compelling Explanations, Crime & Justice News, Invisible Viners, Naked Debate , Parents and Parenting, RantVine, Survivors & Friends of Abuse, The Vine 12 Step, US News and Views , Writers
  • Regions: Tampa/Saint Petersburg
  • Public Discussion (74)
maddad

thanks for your time. this is of course my experience and opinion. yours is always welcome. MD

  • 12 votes
#1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:41 AM EDT
landspirit

Excellent and very poignant article. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life. Despite all, you have the ability of introspection and so you are stronger than those who raped both your mind and body. It is so deeply upsetting that religion which is supposed to bring hope, strength and goodness instead becomes a vehicle of power and control for those with sick warped minds. A thin line is crossed as evil is grown and distributed in the name of a god or religion. I was raped by a man who was a deacon and respected member of the community. I found churches most often to be like cliques, where abusive behavior and idiotic gossiping were always prominent. It is a game to people, a show and to others a chance to be judgemental and feel 'better than' others.

  • 8 votes
#1.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:06 PM EDT
maddad

thanks for sharing and your kindness.

MD

  • 6 votes
#1.2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:08 PM EDT
V. Bevis

maddad: I too saw that report. Your experience is horrific with the worst not even mentioned. But the one where you told about being sexually abused is the one I can I.D. with. My great neice, whose step-father ( nephew) not only abused her as a little girl, but when she told, her MOTHER & step-father actually lied their way out of it & blamed her as being "bi-polar." So, we get a child being put on meds. while the step-father continues with the abuse. Needless to say, she's with her "mother" now & is a real train-wreck.

Finally, he decided to go to his bible-thumper, snake-biter church & tells his miniter. A guilty conscience we're told, but personally we believe he got caught in the ACT. His minsiter told him that he'd better turn himself in as the minister was required by law to turn him in.

Result: broken family ( 2 sons with the little tramp), over a yr. in jail, parole now, basically penniless, no future ( who's going to hire a convicted pedophile?) & his mother ( hubby's sister) & my mother-in-law all say that the little girl "led him on" & "she could have stopped it at anytime IF SHE HAD WANTED TO DO SO."

Needless to say, other than a cursery attempt to be civil to his 92 yr old mother, we have nothing to do wtih the rest of them & they are pissed AT US!!!!!!!!

So, I am so sorry you had to go through this dreck & can only say, "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." The GOOD news is that you've wised up & aren't spending your life with these "brain washers."

Best Wishes!

  • 8 votes
#1.3 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:09 PM EDT
maddad

thnx for sharing your experience.....absolute power, breeds absolute corruption...

md

  • 8 votes
#1.4 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:21 PM EDT
Sherry working hard

I have not heard of this type of abuse from this church. I can say my parents are now an independent baptist, I ask if it was like being non-denomenational and my mom stated "no it teaches us men are head of house and women are not preachers". Something like that because by then I was like WHAT women are NOT subservent and we are good to teach your kids but not good enough to help teach in church. It went down hill after that and I was like WOW.

  • 6 votes
#1.5 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:35 PM EDT
maddad

sounds about right....change is not part of the IFB motto...

  • 5 votes
#1.6 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:42 PM EDT
Tink-2285193

I am truly sorry to hear of your terrible experience. This is something no adult child should ever have to endure, much less a child. This kind of horrible abuse in the name of God is one among many reasons that I do not believe in organized religion. While I do not think this happens in all churches, I have seen experienced many other things in enough churches that I do not trust any of them.

I truly hope that your life will be filled with peace and great happiness in the years to come.

  • 5 votes
#1.7 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:26 AM EDT
maddad

:)

  • 4 votes
#1.8 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 6:09 AM EDT
Loretta Kemsley

The Bible is a manual for misogyny and abuse. Any religion that believes in it has to end up abusive toward women and children. That is what it preaches.

The "men are dominant and must be pleased" mantra breeds abuse too. When they believe "God" is behind them, then what can they do wrong? They become "God" to the people around them. Their narcissism rises to the level of pathological because of what they are taught.

It's a shame what is done in the name of Yeshua. He stood up for women's rights and women's equality. He appointed women as leaders and teachers. He told other men to listen to the women. But the misogoynists won out within two centuries after his death and have ruled ever since while ignoring everything he taught.

Thanks for sharing your story. Mine is much the same, except I was not assaulted at church. I left when I was told I had to remain with a husband who was trying to kill me. Left him. Left the church. So glad I did both.

  • 7 votes
#1.9 - Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:50 AM EDT
maddad

thank you for sharing and commenting...

MD

  • 4 votes
#1.10 - Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:54 AM EDT
sandtrich

I was disturbed by the notion that a newborn needs to be beaten more than anything. They make the victim the perpetrator in rape cases. More a cult than a religion, with many child molesters and physical abusive brain washers.

  • 4 votes
#1.11 - Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:48 AM EDT
maddad

grandma rarely "punished" me, but she had a dried willow tree branch that she beat my sister with constantly....at times there was no clue as to why the beatings would start. she would tell her she had to beat the devil out of her young...so she wouldn't be a hell bound disappointment like our mother....

there were paddles and straps everywhere at the school and they got used regularly....

"the bible says".....and away thaey would go with another disipline session....

md

  • 4 votes
#1.12 - Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:54 AM EDT
sandtrich

MadDad--the thanks goes to you for sharing your experiences with the community. I appreciate the courage that it took. Stay well.

  • 4 votes
#1.13 - Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:12 AM EDT
maddad

:)

  • 4 votes
#1.14 - Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:43 PM EDT
Stormi NormiDeleted
maddad

criticism for speaking out can be worse than suffering

i have big shoulders....thanks, MD

  • 3 votes
#1.16 - Sun May 8, 2011 5:54 AM EDT
Reply
King Dave

I'm a proud big mouthed atheist. I have many religious, now including Southern Baptist friends. I just asked one, "Why should a woman and her children be forced by the Baptist Church among others, to stay in a abusive, potentially fatal marriage, in hopes this injustice will be corrected in the afterlife?"

The Baptist replied, "I've have always struggled with that."

Then for fun, I added, "What if you get to Heaven, and it's just you and President Obama?" That usually does it. I'm attending her art show at her Baptist Church this Thursday. Pray for them! lol

  • 10 votes
Reply#2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 10:15 AM EDT
bonos_rama

What if god IS Obama. After all, the right insists on calling him the Messiah. What if they are correct?

;)

  • 4 votes
#2.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:26 AM EDT
maddad

topic...please.....

  • 8 votes
#2.2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:00 PM EDT
Reply
mstanley2265

People should understand that evil uses people of every level to do and hide its deeds. There is nothing sacred to evil and there never has been. By telling your story, you bring to the forefront this despicable use of the Shield of Church they hold in front of them. Parents be warned. ;( that you were treated that way and not heard.

  • 8 votes
Reply#3 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 10:33 AM EDT
maddad

final edition above...added some info. thnx again. MD

  • 4 votes
Reply#4 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 10:35 AM EDT
Stormi NormiDeleted
maddad

you are correct...mixed with a doctrine that encourages abuse and and you have a recipe for disaster

  • 2 votes
#4.2 - Sun May 8, 2011 6:01 AM EDT
Reply
ndeepnow

I'm very sorry to hear about your past, BUT has anyone ever been raped by a atheist ?? Is that possible ?? Has an atheist every beat someone up ?? Has an atheist ever tried to indoctrinate anyone??

  • 1 vote
Reply#5 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:18 AM EDT
V. Bevis

I think the problem is that Christians, by the nature of their religious tenants, are held to a higher standard. Example: I'm a retired nurse & if I go to the aid of someone injured in an auto accident I come across, I am held to a higher standard giving aid than someone else who just stopped.

They are covered by "Good Samaritan" laws; I'm not!

  • 6 votes
#5.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:19 PM EDT
CrowMeris

I'm very sorry to hear about your past, BUT has anyone ever been raped by a atheist ?? Is that possible ?? Has an atheist every beat someone up ?? Has an atheist ever tried to indoctrinate anyone??

You do not understand the power dynamics involved.

Yes, an atheist can rape. The atheist can inflict long-lasting physical and mental damage; there is no doubt about that whatsoever. But the atheist does not try to justify his/her behavior by bringing his/her belief in a god into it.

The atheist does not use the shield of his/her religion to silence the victim. The atheist does not threaten the victim with hellfire and damnation if the victim dares to speak out. The atheist does not impose him/herself as a paragon of religious righteousness, or as the unquestionable instrument of salvation - the figure of authority who must be obeyed at the cost of the victim's soul.

  • 4 votes
#5.2 - Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:52 AM EDT
Autobot Prime

CrowMeris,

You are correct and that is why it is so much worse when "ssupposed" men of god (the little g is on purpose) commit these thing they don't only commit physical and mental abuse but spiritual abuse as well. When these things happen it reflects on every person of faith because as V.Bevis said we are held to a higher moral standard regardless of whether we meet that standard or not.

  • 4 votes
#5.3 - Wed Apr 13, 2011 3:07 AM EDT
Reply
Hiram-1381633

What a horrible experience to have, I pray that you have found peace and your life is filled with joy. This is a far to common example of man turning something that was meant for good into something evil. Power can and does corrupt, when it is allowed to run unchecked. It is very troubling to my heart and my soul to see people do such horrid things in the name of Christ.

Peace

H

  • 8 votes
Reply#6 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:22 AM EDT
maddad

:)

  • 3 votes
#6.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:03 PM EDT
Reply
1devon

I've been saying it for years. It's the main reason we never allowed our kids to attend church unless it was a wedding, funeral or baptism and we were there. I can't tell you how many times I've been speaking for a broken child to hear a parent say, "We're a Christian family" to condone their abuse. Christ would be mortified by most Christians, I'm sure of it.

  • 9 votes
Reply#7 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:51 AM EDT
V. Bevis

Ghandi said it eloquently, & while I don't have the exact quote, he said he liked Christianity very much, but not so much the followers of it. Wise, insightful man.

  • 9 votes
#7.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:22 PM EDT
1devon

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are nothing like your Christ."

Truer words were never spoken.

  • 13 votes
#7.2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:40 PM EDT
Smith Cassidy

Agreed.

  • 6 votes
#7.3 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:48 PM EDT
V. Bevis

1devon: THANKS (~..~)

  • 4 votes
#7.4 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 7:30 PM EDT
Reply
boomer 54

I've seen the abuse up close and personal. My former late Baptist Preacher Father in law, the most evil man.He beat for years his wife, raped her, and emotionally killed her. The Church just watched. The kids were scarred beyond recognition.

Your story, maddad, happens way too often. Casting light in dark shadows is needed. Thanks.

  • 9 votes
Reply#8 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:26 PM EDT
maddad

thnx for the comment & time. MD

  • 4 votes
#8.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:37 PM EDT
Reply
sisboom56

This is sad and true,all in the name of god.What kind of God do they worship? How could you do this to humans you say that you love.Very,very sick!!

  • 5 votes
Reply#9 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:49 PM EDT
landspirit

I have felt God's presence within a church, but never ever within the people of the church except for one time. This person was a catholic and much to my complete surprise full of the Holy Spirit. God was working through her and she touched so many with unconditional love. She touched my life once and her kindness and caring gave me hope in a very bleak time. There may be hundreds of people in a church, yet probably only a handful or less that actually have God in their hearts and minds. The rest play a game and use religion to justify abuse and hate. I think many will be surprised when a rapture comes and everyone in a church but one or two are still sitting in their seats. In fact, in many cases it would be the atheists that would be taken by the rapture. They are living as opposed to playing sick games.

  • 5 votes
Reply#10 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:22 PM EDT
V. Bevis

You'll appreciate this when I say:

"From your mouth to God's Ears!"

  • 4 votes
#10.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:24 PM EDT
Mrs D-1475814

The best Pastor I ever had told us "That you all may be surprised who you are standing next to in Heaven." :)

  • 5 votes
#10.2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:57 PM EDT
Reply
Esha1003

In case the article writer didn't know, this is the mean for ALL religions. Personally, I teach people that women, men and CHILDREN are equal to one another, period.

  • 6 votes
Reply#11 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 2:11 PM EDT
sisboom56

Amen!

  • 3 votes
#11.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 2:22 PM EDT
maddad

Esha1003,

i am pretty aware of the fact that not ALL of anything is bad or good. these churches are "independent", except in their loose affiliations through the private universities that train the pastors that lead them, private K-12 schools, at the churches normally, and summer youth camps. they also all have AWANAS youth group, and other shared programs. i have seeded stories here of this type behavior occurring here and there in every denomination & religion. however, there are some, whose very doctrines encourage abusive behavior to flourish.....this one sect of the protestant movement is one of those IMO.

whether i agree with a particular congregations beliefs is unimportant, churches were people are respected & crime is reported and dealt with in a contemporary western manner....more power to them! i still won't be stopping in, but good luck...

"..the article writer"....better known as maddad

  • 7 votes
#11.2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:16 PM EDT
V. Bevis

Esha1003: How wise~!

And just to show how "ecumenical" I am-lol-, during one episode of "To Catch A Predator" (NBC, I think) which used to be a "reality" series of catching pedophiles who agreed to meet in the homes of young girls/boys they THOUGHT they had "picked up" on the Internet trolling, sometimes from far away places, there was a Jewish Rabbi who was caught in the "sting." ( The cops were waiting outside & it was ALL caught on video.)

We actually had that happen-for real-here in a small town in Ohio .

  • 3 votes
#11.3 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 7:39 PM EDT
Reply
Mrs D-1475814

I watched that show also. :( It is disgusting what people do in the name of Christianity. I have been to many churches in my life and only found one non-denominational Church who stayed true to God's words. I was sorry to leave because we had to move out of state. When man made rules come into play at a Church, I am gone.

  • 6 votes
Reply#12 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:55 PM EDT
maddad

When man made rules come into play at a Church, I am gone.

me too..or when they think every word of the kjv is to be taken literally and in current times...md

  • 5 votes
#12.1 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 4:36 PM EDT
Reply
GEEZER-guy

Wow, MD. I didn't have the identical experience, but my "Bible-based" upbringing also shaped, in large part, how I think today. I occasionally have conversations referencing such topics; my feeling is that one can seek spiritual development without "religion". Usually the topic changes when I mention that. Much credit goes to you for your courage in dealing with your past I'm sure many are strengthened by your example. Thank you.

  • 7 votes
Reply#13 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 4:30 PM EDT
maddad

thanks :)

  • 5 votes
#13.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 4:48 PM EDT
Reply
Enoch-2699399

Dear Maddad: FR invite sent.

I am sorry that you, as anyone ever suffered at the hands of anyone who abused power.

We all, whoever we are, need constantly to make sure we are not doing just the opposite of what we believe, or say we believe.

It is best not to hide our eyes from unnecessary pain and sin when it occurs. If we don't see problems for what they are, we cannot be part of the solution.

In this spring season of rebirth and renewal it is hoped that all can renew the good side of us, and bring it out to triumph over our less attractive inclinations.

Peace and blessings. Enoch.

  • 3 votes
Reply#14 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 7:16 PM EDT
maddad

thnx accepted..MD

  • 3 votes
#14.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 7:31 PM EDT
Reply
Vlad's dog

MD, predestination pushed me out of the church also. At the age of 11 I thought the idea was the stupidest theory to come out of religion. I don't trust anyone with religious power.

  • 2 votes
Reply#15 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 7:43 PM EDT
maddad

they didn't call it excommunication like in the catholic traditions, but when they decided you were not "predestined", "called" or "chosen", it was like you had leprosy, and from what i hear it takes a hell of a lot to piss off the catholic god, this IFB czar-well, a cigarette got it done....you should have seen the stuff god didn't even tell the pompous pastors, deacons & busy bodies about..lol

it also gave them something to tell you when you asked....if we are right, and it is in black & white, right there in the "word of god", why are all these other people doing it different or not at all? answer: a few are chosen, they are not "predestined" to go to heaven.....translations: not everyone has been born, or unfortunate enough to marry into this extreme sect and they can see the flaws from the outside....

sorry...those mini rants have been hitting a lot lately.

JMO, MD

  • 5 votes
#15.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:16 PM EDT
rescue dogs62

Vlad,

We are all predestined to be sons of God, which is why Christ died for the sins of the world. But we all have a choice to received the free gift or not. We have free will. All are welcome, and no one is turned away if they seek to accept Him as Savior.

  • 1 vote
#15.2 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:18 PM EDT
Autobot Prime

maddad,

rescue dogs62 is right, I am sorry someone used predestination on you that way. We do NOT get to chose who is destined only God. Again, I am deeply sorry for the pain that you have gone through.

  • 1 vote
#15.3 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:06 AM EDT
Reply
rescue dogs62

Dear Maddad,

I'm so sorry for your hideous experience. I also was molested as a child, but not by family or church members. Some people call themselves Christians only to mean that they're not Hindu, Muslim or Buddhist. There are sects, and cults that abuse members, and go against what the Bible teaches. We've seen a number in the news lately. I personally don't believe in "religion" but I believe in Jesus Christ who died so my sins could be forgiven. I have friends on this board who are probably say "what is she saying" because we have similar political views.

I was fortunate to not only grow up in a Baptist church which was Bible believing, and now attend Calvary Chapel which is unaffiliated with any religious group. They only teach the Bible, and have no religious doctrine. I have wonderful, loving and supportive friends there. The church is one of the first to help in disaster, feed the poor, care for the infirmed and visiting the ill. Donate food baskets, gifts at Christmas for those who can't afford it, Thanksgiving dinners for those with no family, youth groups that go to orphanages in South America on spring break, or build houses in New Orleans after the hurricane. We try to live lives that Jesus would approve of, but we all fall short because we are sinners, in need of a Savior.

We had doctors and nurses, church members, that were at the World Trade Center, Sri Lanka, and other disaster areas. But first and foremost they teach the Bible and I think most try to lives those type of lives. We are all sinners, and all fall short of the glory of God, but God is faithful, and loves us beyond human understanding.

My Dad was in prison ministries for for almost 20 years after he retired, and continued doing Bible studies with them by mail until he passed away at 92. I've received a number of letters from prisoners with life sentences who have written how the Lord has turned their lives around. One is being provided with a education from a Wheaton College through Chuck Colson's prison outreach, and will be doing it while in prison. Though he has a life sentence sees prison as his "mission field." Ex prisoners came to my Dad's memorial service and talked about how their lives have been changed.

All Christians are not bad people, and many try to live Christian lives. Please don't give up on Christ, because His love for you is boundless, and to have a personal relationship with Him is like no other. Please don't give up.

  • 3 votes
Reply#16 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:08 PM EDT
maddad

thank you.

  • 3 votes
#16.1 - Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:16 PM EDT
Reply
Tink-2285193

1devon - "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are nothing like your Christ."

I totally agree. There is so much evil that is done to others and to our world in the name of God by those who profess themselves to be His true disciples.

  • 4 votes
Reply#17 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:34 AM EDT
1devon

The best thing we ever did for our kids was to keep them away from ALL churches. We live in a conservative Christian area so there was quite a bit of pressure, but we declined all offers for youth groups, bible school, summer camps..and the like. I have to note that they are MUCH more stable then their Christian friends. They were never hit, told they were going to hell, or told that everyone who doesn't think like them are going to hell. We had no drug & alcohol, or teen pregnancy issues. Sadly, that wasn't the case for many if not most of their friends. They are happy, healthy, well educated, self sufficient, and KIND working adults now.

  • 4 votes
#17.1 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 12:56 PM EDT
Tink-2285193

1devon - I did the same, kept my children from the churches. There were two reasons; one was they were too young to try and decide for themselves which form of religion or belief they wanted to follow. I felt it was their decision to make, not mine. So when they were older they showed interest in a few types of religions, and finally decided on the one that makes them happy. I do not judge, and let them live their life in their own way. Whether or not I agree or disagree is not important, their happiness is.

The second, was that, I think there is far too much pressure on children from the churches to adhere only to their belief and way of worship, and not to be open minded and tolerant of others or their beliefs. I wanted my children to be open minded, to be tolerant of others in the world, as we are all partners in the world we share, and it is not important that everyone thinks as we do, as learning from others makes us wiser and better human beings.

We celebrated Christmas, Easter and other such holidays, and I explained to them about the meaning of the holidays when they asked. And when they were older and saw many of their friends berated by their parents for not wanting to follow their religious beliefs or belong to their church, some even disowning their children, my kids were really thankful that I had allowed them to make their own decisions regarding their religious beliefs, nor let it destroy our family.

To me, religion is not everything in life, my family is.

  • 2 votes
#17.2 - Tue Apr 12, 2011 4:40 AM EDT
Reply
skeptic-227981

Maddad, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I'm sorry anybody has to go through any of that. The people who espouse this twisted doctrine, do these things, and cover them up, are not true Christians. They are pedophiles and enablers.

Nothing anyone can say or do will erase what happened to you - or those girls in the story I read on another seed today. But know there are plenty of us out there who, if we find out this kind of stuff is going on, we will not turn a blind eye.

  • 3 votes
Reply#18 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 3:14 AM EDT
maddad

thnx..md

  • 3 votes
#18.1 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 6:10 AM EDT
Reply
maddad

Autobot Prime,

i am ok..the whole ordeal set me to studying...the bible, church history, world religions....and alternatives. my boys go to a non-denom. church some with a close family friend...they come home preaching to me...of course when i tell them what it says before and after that little nugget they threw at old dad, and it completely changes what they were told it meant...well i won't lie to my kids...lol

"self education is many times coerced by destiny" MD

  • 6 votes
Reply#19 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:19 AM EDT
Autobot Prime

I am glad you did not turn your back on faith. I am glad you studied to find the truth; the Bible does say "study to show thyself approved". No you shouldn't lie to your kids, the best pastor I ever studied under used to say "Don't take my word for it read the verse yourself, read the ones before it and after it to make sure it is in context, for that matter read the whole book, if you find something I am mistaken on, tell me." One time someone did point out where he was in error and the very next Sunday he was apologizing from the pulpit for his error. He is a great pastor.

As glad as I am to hear you are O.K. none of this should have happened because of the four “lessons” you learned.

1. Is judgmental “judge not least yea be judged” and elitist Jesus said “he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve”

2. Essentially correct, applicably wrong “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” In Ephesians 5 It talks about how both husbands and wife should be it does not say that one has to follow teaching and the other does not. Children should not be afraid they have no say “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”

3. I believe the scripture is literal also but see my answer for point one and two.

4. As I said before we do NOT get to chose who is destined only God. This doctrine is really only good for study it has little applicable use because it essentially says that since God knows everything He already knows who will choose to follow him (when you try to think of that in terms of free will, another doctrine, it can make your head hurt.)

As far as your grandfather I am not trying to make excuses but people get scared and sometimes pride will get in the way so they hide things that should be revealed. A similar thing happened to a family member of mine. She was molested by a cousin and when she told her mom her mom told her to never talk about it again. Fear and pride, horrible things.

  • 2 votes
#19.1 - Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:26 AM EDT
Reply
TR-421173

FR sent

  • 2 votes
Reply#20 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:26 PM EDT
maddad

accepted. :)

  • 2 votes
#20.1 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 4:33 PM EDT
TR-421173

Added to watch list too, I have always enjoyed your articles (and admired your strength) and have missed way to many articles.

  • 2 votes
#20.2 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:47 PM EDT
maddad

:)

  • 2 votes
#20.3 - Mon Apr 11, 2011 6:21 PM EDT
Reply
TheOneAndOnlyKat

While not all people who fall under the umbrella of IFB are like this...thank you for writing this piece. I didn't share all of your experiences but a lot of them and the resulting opinions are similar (especially because I am female). These are the exact reasons that, although I believe in God and a lot of the teachings of Christianity make sense to me, I have chosen (unlike the rest of my family) to not join the church. It's refreshing to meet someone who "gets it" and also someone who has actually heard of IFB (I live in a region where any offshoot of baptism is rare).

  • 3 votes
Reply#21 - Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:11 PM EDT
maddad

thanks for commenting....the experience..regardless of these church's "independence"..appear to much the same, if not very similar.....have to wonder what is being taught at Bob Jones.....

Maddad

  • 3 votes
#21.1 - Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:24 PM EDT
TheOneAndOnlyKat

When my siblings and I were home-schooled as children my mother used a lot of curriculum ordered from BJU Press, not all of it was bad but I had a feeling even as young child that many of the things I was being taught weren't necessarily kosher. I used to get in trouble all the time for "running away" to the library just because I wanted to read books with a different perspective.

Also, in an interesting turn of events, while my brother "felt the calling" to become a minister, he refuses to affiliate with the church we were raised in. He also, despite being a very conservative Baptist, didn't even think of attending BJU for his studies in divinity, citing (when my parents asked him why) "they just aren't good people" and "their school of thought hasn't adapted to this century yet".

  • 4 votes
#21.2 - Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:52 PM EDT
maddad

p.s. FR Req sent..

my mom went to bju, after she got divorced my grandparents, the pastor..everyone shunned her..it certainly isn't an excuse, but being dealt with from infancy with guilt as the primary motivator may have assisted her to her drunken death...

even those that are not purposeful in their abuse areso judgemental that no one but their own can live up to it...JMO (and of course this in "in general")

  • 4 votes
#21.3 - Wed Apr 13, 2011 11:00 PM EDT
Reply
Brandybear8

I watched this particular news video by 20/20 as well and truly shocked at one believing and convincing themself that you are to beat a 2 week month old child...just pure common sense should be a red flag to any normal thinking human being that this is wrong and will not be tolerated. I do believe that no matter what religion or background you are from, there will always be some sort of cults, extremist, mis-informed and misunderstood persons that fall into the wrong and ultimately tragic beliefs, groups, organizations, of other's, religious or not....

  • 4 votes
Reply#22 - Fri Apr 15, 2011 6:30 PM EDT
JCrue-3339844

I was brought up in this church. I was made to wear long dresses to school and in turn I was teased and tormented by the other children. I wasn't allowed to listen to "rock-n-roll" because it was evil. I didn't see a movie in a movie theatre until I was 17. I couldn't wear make-up. I was led to believe that our religion was the only one that was right and everyone else was going to hell. Well I found out after I converted to being a Catholic (thats right a Catholic). That I had been given tons of misguided information. They dont pray to statues, they believe in the second coming of Christ and are far more forgiving and kind then any Baptist I have encountered. (Please dont bring up priests molesting kids - no religion is perfect). My religious upbringing left me scarred and without a lot of self-esteem. I proceeded to marry at 19 to get away from my parents and married a man I didn't love who had paranoid psychophrenia. I then went on to marry an abusive alcoholic for close to 14 years. My father committed suicide at age 79 because of depression when my mother wouldn't listen to me that he needed medication because she thinks that God is all we need. Well I am on medication because I inheirted the depression. She doesn't agree with medicine for the mind. My 52 year old brother died of a drug overdose after being clean for 10 years. He threatened to kill himself all the time. Once again, she didn't listen. I refuse to listen and got the help I needed to be able to a successfully functioning adult. When I saw that 20/20 segment I just sat there in horror, it all came back.

  • 3 votes
Reply#23 - Mon Apr 18, 2011 3:45 PM EDT
maddad

thnx

  • 2 votes
#23.1 - Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:07 PM EDT
Reply
Sarah-3923380

I am sorry so many people feel this way BUT not all IFB are like that. There are two IFB churchs, legalistic IFB and conservative IFB. Legalistic are very domineering, only Baptist go to Heaven and men are everything women and children are less. Conservative believe anyone can go to Heaven even if your not a Baptist, your wife has a say, there is respect. P;ease, just like all people and religions, you have your good and bad but don't classify all in the same category.

  • 1 vote
Reply#24 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:44 PM EDT
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